K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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