My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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