Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
