oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
