im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
