You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
