Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
