this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
