And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
