Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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