I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
