I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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