so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
