Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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