next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
