No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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