Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We are all done wearing pants today
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
