i think my tv is drunk
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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