We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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