I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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