I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
