You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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