I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize
