I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize