Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
