Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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