I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
