I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
