Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
