It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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