If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
