Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
