I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
