Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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