1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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