she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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