I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
