I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
