This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
