it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
