Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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