i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
