ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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