I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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