Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
