Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's always time for handjobs
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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