True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
