Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
