this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
