Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
