I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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