you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
