Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i dont even know how to be here
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
