I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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