Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
