i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
