Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I smell like Dick and happiness
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