He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
