I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
