Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
