Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
