so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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