I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
