I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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