why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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