that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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