oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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