I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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