What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
