their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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