Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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