Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
