Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
